


Scenes From Possible Kandreil Rewrite

by gracie_jasper



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Canon Rewrite, Canon-Typical Violence, Canon-typical language, Drinking, Drug Use, Fluff, Homophobia, M/M, Multi, Neil just loves his two boys, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Polyamory, Rape/Non-con Elements, Self-Harm, Slow Burn, Smoking, Smut, kandreil rewrite
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-02
Updated: 2021-01-02
Packaged: 2021-03-11 05:14:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28499649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gracie_jasper/pseuds/gracie_jasper
Summary: Scenes from a possible rewrite of the series based on the kandreil scenes Nora released.
Relationships: Kevin Day/Neil Josten, Kevin Day/Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard, Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard
Comments: 4
Kudos: 31





	1. Before Reading

After reading the couple of scenes Nora released from an earlier draft where Kandreil was end game, I decided I wanted to rewrite the story to fit those scenes and fit the attitudes of the characters in those scenes. Based on the context clues, the order of events will be very different from canon. I still don’t know if I will write the whole fic but I wanted to put a few random scenes here to see if anyone likes the writing style! Feedback would be much appreciated. There will likely be two or three scenes posted as chapters. If you like them, let me know and I will keep writing!!! Thank you :)


	2. Scene 1: Neil and Kevin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neil might have some feelings for Kevin that he doesn’t quite understand and he’s trying to process them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the first scene I wrote for this story! I hope y’all like it :)

Neil  
Neil was less than amused when the text from Seth came through. A message from the other striker was never a good thing, let alone one telling him to stay out of the room for the night. Neil was already exhausted from practice with Kevin and now he’d have to crash on either Andrew or Dan’s couch. Perfect. Even worse, he’d be coming back to a room that reeked of sex and Allison’s perfume in the morning, the thought of which alone caused his stomach to turn. Neil’s face must have betrayed his slight grimace because suddenly Kevin looked concerned.

“Did you hurt something?” His voice was a mixture of worry and irritation, Neil rolled his eyes. Neil doubted the worry was rooted in any kind of compassion for him but rather his ability to play; Neil appreciated the sentiment nonetheless. 

“I’m fine Kevin, it’s just Seth being Seth.”

“What’d the slacker do this time?” Kevin asked in as playful a tone as he could muster. Neil felt his lip twitch upward at the comment, but his amusement was quickly squashed as he thought of the combination of sweat and Marc Jacobs that awaited him in the near future. Neil sighed and continued drying his hair from the shower, letting his head hang between his knees for a brief moment before looking back to Kevin.

“It isn’t what he did, it’s what he’s doing. I can’t go back to my own room tonight.”

“Allison?”

“Allison.” Neil relented with a sigh. 

“That relationship has never, and will never make sense to me. As much as Reynolds could improve on the court, she far exceeds Gordon in talent. She deserves better.”  
Leave it to Kevin to judge a relationship not on the compatibility of their personalities but their levels of skill when playing Exy. Nethertheless, Neil did agree with Kevin. While both Gordon and Reynolds approached their teammates with similar levels of animosity on the court, at least Reynolds had the talent to compensate for her attitude. Seth didn’t and he was holding the team back because of it.

“Come on,” Kevin prompted, hoisting his duffle over his shoulder, “we got carried away on the court and if we don’t get back soon, Andrew will be annoyed. Lord knows we won’t survive that.” Kevin let out a slight laugh but Neil knew he was only half joking. Kevin had promised Andrew that the two of them would be back by 10, and if they weren’t, they’d have hell to pay. Neil nodded tersely, thinking of shiny knives hidden under black fabric, before gathering his things and rushing after Kevin; they’d have to hall ass if they wanted to make it back in time, but Neil was not optimistic about their chances.

-

They didn’t make it back in time.

Kevin and Neil opened the door to find Andrew, his arms crossed over his chest and a humourless grin stretched across his face. “Just where have you two been? Are my little chickadees breaking curfew because of stupidity or rebellion.” Kevin stiffened and took a small step behind Neil, his demeanor nervous. Neil usually hated Kevin’s cowardice, but for once, it felt entirely justified. He could feel anger coming off Andrew in waves and it felt as though the other boy’s dark eyes were burning holes through him, staring directly into his soul. His chest tightened at the idea of Andrew being able to see all of the secrets, not just the half truths that Neil fed him occasionally to keep the beast at bay. It took all of his effort not to shrink back against Andrews scrutiny, but he would not fold to the temper of a psychotic midget.

“Jesus Andrew, we are five minutes late,” he forced himself to choke out, breaking the tension that hung in the air. Andrew furrowed his eyebrows, clearly annoyed by Neil’s defiance and Kevin stepped forward, a panicked look on his face.

“It won’t happen again Andrew, we just got wrapped up in drills.” Kevin cut in, giving the short blonde a weak smile. Andrew’s face went disturbingly blank. 

“It better not,” he retorted gruffly, his shoulders still remarkably tense, “I’m going to bed. Do not disturb me unless one of you idiots is bleeding out on the floor.” And with that, Andrew turned on his heels and stalked toward the bedroom. Kevin let out a sigh of relief but Neil felt somewhat troubled. He was surprised that Andrew hadn’t given them more guff. He expected more threats, a knife pulled on him at least, but Andrew’s heart just didn’t seem in it tonight.

“He’s worried about Nicky,” Neil looked up and saw Aaron leaning against the stove top, a glass of water in hand. “He texted saying he wouldn’t be home tonight.”

“Any idea where he’d be?” Neil asked. He didn’t trust Nicky not to do something stupid when they were all together, let alone when he was by himself. 

“No clue. Probably getting fucked by some closeted dude from Sigma Pi.” Aaron huffed and Neil thought he might have heard a mumbled “disgusting” under Aaron’s breath, but he chose to ignore it. Now was not the time to get into a fight with Aaron about his cumbersome homophobia.  
Aaron finished off the water and set the dirty glass in the sink. “I’ve gotta cram for a Bio midterm, so please, just stay as fucking quiet as possible.” Aaron sent a final dirty look Neil’s way and nodded briefly at Kevin before he walked into the bedroom, slamming the door behind him.

“I don’t think he likes me very much,” Neil mused. Kevin chuckled in response and walked toward the sofa, throwing himself down on the cushions. 

“I don’t think either of them likes anyone. We’re just lucky Andrew tolerates us. Aaron’s feelings are insignificant.” Neil agreed with the sentiment, giving a slight nod before collapsing beside Kevin. His muscles ached and his head pounded, but Neil still felt giddy from playing. Maybe Andrew was right to call him a junkie. Neil lulled his head to the left to look at Kevin. His eyes were closed and there was a slight smile on his lips; his dark hair was curling at the ends as it dried from the shower. Neil felt heat rise to his cheeks as his heart beat louder in his chest.  
Yep, definitely a junkie.

Kevin sighed and stood up, stretching his arms above his head. Neil’s eyes caught on the small sliver of Kevin’s back that peaked out as the hem of his shirt rode up. Neil felt saliva build in his mouth at the sight of taut skin stretching over muscle. He wondered what it would be like to trace the length of Kevin’s spine with his tongue.  
“Well. I need a drink,” the sound of Kevin’s voice shook Neil from his ogling, “you want anything?” It took Neil a few seconds to find his voice, the sound stuck deep in his throat.

“Uh… no, i’m - i’m...” Kevin raised an eyebrow as Neil attempted to stutter out a response.

“You ok, Neil?”

“Yeah, yeah I'm fine.” Neil knew he didn’t sound all that convincing, but Kevin simply shrugged and walked off towards the fridge. Neil couldn’t help but stare after him; at the curve of his waist and the sway in his hips, at the way his thighs visibly flexed with every step. Neil shook his head, What was going on with him tonight? The thoughts were bothersome and unfamiliar. Neil had never noticed someone in the ways he noticed Kevin, and he didn’t understand what made Kevin different. 

When Kevin returned to the sofa, he was brandishing a bottle of cheap vodka, already sipping directly from the mouth. Neil reveled in the bob of the other boy’s adam's apple as he sipped on the liquor. Kevin sat directly next to Neil, pressing his thigh up against the other boy’s. Neil tried to shift away discreetly, but before he could move, Kevin had placed the bottle in Neil’s lap.

“How come you never drink with us?”

“Excuse me?”

“Why don’t you ever drink with us, I'd love to see you loosen up every once in a while.” Neil thought he saw something akin to desire flash in Kevin’s eyes for a brief moment, but he could have imagined it. 

Neil swallowed hard, “I just don’t like giving up control,” it’d come out a little hesitant but Kevin just nodded, taking the bottle from Neil’s lap and indulging in another swig. Kevin’s hand had crept onto Neil’s thigh and his fingers were tapping out a slight pattern, seemingly unconsciously. 

“So where are you sleeping tonight?” Neil choked slightly on his breath and felt his eyes widen in shock at Kevin’s completely unfiltered question; he was sure he looked like a deer in the headlights. “You know, since you can't sleep in your own room?” Kevin continued. Neil had almost forgotten about Seth and Allison and sighed in relief, trying to recover quickly from the shock.

“I’ll probably just crash on this couch or on Dan’s. It’s no big deal.” Kevin scoffed and stood, towering over Neil.

“Don’t be stupid,” Kevin countered, “Sleeping on a sofa will fuck up your back. Sleep with me instead.” If Neil had been drinking something, he would have spit it out. “I’ll stick to my side, don’t worry.” Neil opened his mouth to object but Kevin raised a hand to Neil’s mouth. “You gave me your game, I won’t let you do anything to jeopardize it.” Neil sighed and sank back into the sofa cushions, pulling away from the slight touch of Kevin’s hand against his lips.

“Fine,” Neil huffed. Kevin beamed, bringing the vodka back to his lips and chugging the vile liquid for a few more seconds until the bottle was empty. Kevin let the bottle fall to the floor and grimaced, clearly holding back a gag.

“It doesn’t matter how much you drink, it never gets better.” Kevin murmured while tumbling face first onto the sofa. Neil knew what he meant. Despite years of drinking whiskey to cope with the feeling of a needle moving in and out of his skin, the taste was something he had never grown accustomed to. 

Neil and Kevin lay strewn about the couch in comfortable silence for about five minutes before Kevin grew impatient and scrambled for the tv remote. Kevin scrolled through the DVR and hovered over an old recording. 

“Wanna watch Friday’s Penn game?” Neil hummed in response and Kevin smiled, pressing play. The noise from the tv was barely audible as Kevin leaned back, pressing the length of his body against Neil. The alcohol had made him loose and clingy, as it always did, and Neil felt as though he was going to combust as Kevin nuzzled his nose into Neil’s neck. “You’re warm,” Kevin mumbled into Neil’s skin. Neil froze, the hot breath sending a shiver down his spine. “I like that you’re warm,” the words were a whisper, a secret mumbled clumsily into the dark, but Neil would never forget how Kevin’s arm came up to wrap around Neil’s waist and curl himself impossibly closer. Neil’s hand drifted slowly upward, stopping just shy of the hairs at the nape of Kevin’s neck. He longed to run his fingers through the damp locks, to pull at them slightly and hear the sounds that Kevin would let slip past his lips. Neil let his hand rest lightly on the back of Kevin’s head, stroking the curls lightly. Kevin sighed in pleasure and leaned back into the touch.

“I wish Andrew would hold me like this.”

It was more mumble than speech, but Neil still heard the words loud and clear. His hand froze, and Kevin stiffened. The words had fallen so carelessly from Kevin’s mouth, alcohol loosening his lips, but Neil could still see the fear in Kevin’s eyes that came with the accidental admission. 

“I mean, I just wish that Andrew was more-” Neil shushed him slightly, scooting away from Kevin, putting about a foot of distance between them. Kevin cast his eyes toward the floor, refusing to meet Neil’s gaze, but Neil grabbed Kevin’s chin gently and forced the other boy to look at him. 

“Kevin,” Neil said, his voice soft, “do you like Andrew?”

Kevin huffed but didn’t respond, and Neil felt his heart plummet.


	3. Scene 2: Kandreil Angst

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bad things happened, and no one is ok, but they are gonna try and put each other back together.   
> TW: Self-Harm, References to Non-Con

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This scene is related directly to one of Nora’s. In the scene written by Nora, she references Andrew receiving deep bite marks on his cheek from Riko where is number was supposed to be tattooed. Andrew, hating the marks, gouged them off his face with glass. This is that scene.   
> TW: Self-Harm, References to Non-Con

Neil

Andrew muttered a slight, “I need to piss,” from within his cocoon of blankets. Neil nodded and offered him his hand but Andrew just stared at him blankly before casting off the blankets onto the beanbag chair and limping his way into the bathroom. Neil flinched when the door slammed shut, and looked to Kevin, who sat on the couch with his head between his knees; he was tugging harshly at his thick strands of dark hair. His eyes were drawn to Kevin’s marred hand, to the abnormal twist of his knuckles and the crooked set of his fingers; just another one of Riko’s broken toys. He felt himself lift his hand to his left cheek, tracing his fingers over the 4 that was left there, etched into his skin against his will, and he shuddered.

He thought back to what Kevin had said months prior, when they were little more than friends helping to distract each other from their nightmares in the only way they knew how. He had said that they were all so broken, that living left so many holes, and that sometimes you needed more than one person to help seal the cracks. But looking at them now, so scarred and bruised, so empty, he didn’t see how they would ever be able to stitch each other back together, not when people just kept shattering them. Soon there wouldn’t be enough pieces left. 

But Neil didn’t plan on giving up. Not on them. Not on his family. He was tired of running, tired of hurting, and so damn tired of a pathetic little psycho with daddy issues lashing out at the people he cared about. 

Neil stood and walked to Kevin, crouching between the other boys knees. He cupped Kevin’s cheeks, wiping away the remnants of tears from his eyes with his thumb, before pressing their foreheads together.

“What are we going to do Neil,” Kevin’s voice was barely a whisper, “what if he’s gone?”  
Neil shook his head, and pressed a light kiss to Kevin’s furrowed brow in an attempt to relax it.

“He’s strong Kev,” Neil muttered as Kevin took Neil’s chin in hand and guided their lips together, “and we will be there for him. Whatever he needs.” Kevin hummed and sighed into the kiss, bringing his arms up and wrapping them around Neil’s neck. 

Neil could have stayed like that for hours, just reveling in Kevin’s comforting presence, but the sound of shattering glass brought the two of them back to their senses. Neil was on his feet and running towards the bathroom before he even realized what he was doing, and Kevin was right behind him. He tried the door knob, but it was locked. 

“ANDREW?” Neil called out, when he got no response, he shook the door knob again. He could hear quiet grunting noise before Andrew let out a slight whine of pain.  
“ANDREW FOR FUCKS SAKE OPEN THE DOOR,” Neil was slamming his body against the wood over and over, but he was just too small and couldn’t put enough force behind the hits. Kevin pushed up beside Neil and nudged him out of the way, before muttering a quiet, “Get back.”

It was the only warning Neil got before Kevin brought his foot to the door with enough strength to make it shake on its hinges. It budged slightly, but it didn’t give. Kevin let out a growl and tried again, this time kicking with even more force. The wood splintered and Kevin shouldered his way into the small room, Neil hot on his heels, but they both froze at the sight before them.

The floor was littered with shattered glass, only a few pieces still hanging from the frame of the mirror, and Andrew was huddled in the corner of the shower, knees drawn to his chest and shaking. He had a shard of the glass clutched in his right hand, blood trickling down his wrists from the sharp edge biting into his palm. His left cheek, which only a few minutes prior had displayed the cruelty of Riko’s mouth and marked where his tattoo would one day be, was mutilated. Andrew had scratched and dug the bite marks from his skin, leaving nothing but tattered flesh in his wake. The boy blinked up at them, his eyes unfocused and flat. He pressed his back further into the tile of the shower and cast his eyes to the floor. 

“He made me say please.” Andrew's voice was little more than a whisper but the words seemed to echo in the quiet room. Neil felt his stomach drop and Kevin let out a choked sob, bringing his hand to his mouth to stop any other noises that might escape. “He made me beg him not to-” Andrew paused and shook his head, his hand clutching at the glass even tighter, prompting more blood to rush down his arm. “But he didn’t stop,” Andrew’s breath hitched, “just like them.” Neil felt bile building in his throat but he pushed it down. He crept towards Andrew, approaching him like one would approach a wounded animal, trying his best not to scare him. Neil stopped just outside the lip of the shower and sat on the ground before the other boy. He searched his brain for something to say, trying to find something comforting or reassuring to spew. But Neil knew Andrew, and knew he would be mad at him for trying to sooth him with bullshit lies. Instead Neil leaned forward and placed his hand lightly over Andrew’s.

“Why?” The question was simple but it weighed heavy in the air, and Neil didn’t know why he asked it. He just had to know. 

“You.” Andrew looked up and met his gaze. Neil attempted to keep his face blank, but he could already feel guilt pooling in his stomach, guilt and something else that he couldn’t quite place. He heard Kevin shuffling around in the cabinets behind him, likely searching for the first aid kit. 

“I thought you hated me,” Neil replied as he grabbed Andrew’s other hand, pulling lightly at his fingers until his grip relaxed enough to let the glass clatter to the floor. Once the glass was gone, all of the tension seemed to drain from Andrew's shoulders and he collapsed forward into Neil, pressing his face to Neil’s chest. Neil went to wrap his hand around Andrew’s back but froze. “Can I touch your back, yes or no?” He waited for a moment until he felt Andrew nod his head in conformation, and then wrapped Andrew up in a loose hug, cuddling the other boy impossibly close. He heard Kevin approach them slowly from behind and Andrew stiffened.

“Just me Drew,” Kevin said softly, but Andrew’s shoulders remained tense and he shuttered. 

“Don’t call me that,” Andrew whispered, his voice void of all emotion. Kevin’s eyes glossed over and he tentatively put his left hand on Andrew’s head. 

“How did he-“

“I don’t know,” Andrew’s voice was resigned as he leaned into Kevin’s touch slightly, “he just did. It was what he called me every time he forced me to the floor.” Kevin gulped and Neil sighed as he picked up the alcohol wipes, gause, and neosporin Kevin had set at his side.

“We need to patch you up,” Neil whispered into Andrew’s sweat soaked hair. Andrew huffed, but didn’t object as Kevin and Neil cleaned his wounds and bandaged them as quickly as possible.


	4. Scene 3: Kevin and Neil on Halloween

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On Halloween night, the feelings between Kevin and Neil finally bubble over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another scene related directly to Noras. She states in one of her scenes that Neil and Kevin first hooked up on Halloween after Neil had been crushing on Kevin for a while. This is that scene!  
> There aren’t any warnings for this chapter, besides underage drinking and canon typical drug use. There is smut. So if that makes you uncomfortable, stop reading after the *

Neil  
Eden’s was of course packed that Friday, especially considering it was Halloween weekend. Nicky had bought his costume and it was safe to say he was not pleased. The latex body suit clung to his skin, making him uncomfortably sticky, and he kept tripping over the tail. Luckily the headpiece that accompanied the costume, a black mask with cat ears, was firmly attached to his head; thanks to some bobby pins and a little finessing from Allison.  
Everytime he moved, the black material between his thighs squeaked together and he winced, the noise already grating. 

Andrew was currently pulling Neil along behind him toward the bar as the flashing strobe lights from the dance floor disoriented Neil slightly. Roland was looking at the two of them, a smirk plaguing his lips. 

“Nice skeleton costume Andrew,” Roland said through his smile, and Andrew grunted in response. Andrew was, of course, wearing all black, but his shirt had a printed design of a human rib cage, and he’d bothered to smear a little black eyeshadow under his eyes.  
“And Neil,” Roland turned to him, his grin widenning, “I’m guessing a certain bag of bones chose your costume for the evening.” Andrew rolled his eyes and scoffed, “as if I’d ever stoop so low. You know exactly who picked that costume.” Despite Andrew’s cutting tone, Roland laughed heartily. His eyes were still on Neil, scanning his body up and down. Neil shifted on the balls of his feet, a feeling of discomfort blooming in his chest at the scrutiny. Andrew, clearly fed up with the ongoing encounter, snapped his fingers in front of Roland’s face, drawing the bartender’s eyes back to the short blonde. 

“Enough dilly dally, the usual please. But add four double shots of whiskey.” Roland nodded and Andrew turned to Neil as the drinks were prepared. “I promised Kevin I would get you to have a little something to drink tonight.” Neil opened his mouth to protest but Andrew put a finger to his lips, silencing him. “In exchange for you drinking, I will be in goal three nights this week for you and Kevin. No more, no less. Deal?” Andrew stuck out his hand and Neil swallowed. What had Kevin given up to make Andrew willing to strike this deal with him? Neil sighed, he definitely would love to see the goalie actually make an effort on the court, and if it was just a drink or two, he should at least be able to keep his lips sealed.

“Alright,” Neil relented, taking hold of Andrew’s hand and shaking it firmly. “But just a little something to drink, I’m not going overboard.” Andrew nodded in approval and handed the tray of drinks Roland had sat in front of him off to Neil before slapping a wad of cash down on the counter. 

“Keep them coming Roland,” Andrew said over his shoulder as he sauntered back to the table Nicky, Aaron, and Kevin had claimed for them. Roland gave a small salute to Andrew before turning back to the other patrons at the bar. Neil hustled after Andrew, setting the tray of drinks down carefully before collapsing in the seat next to Kevin. The costume was making him overheat, and the crowd around him was making him anxious. He felt his eyes scanning the crowd rapidly, trying to see if anyone was paying extra attention to their group.  
“-Neil,” Kevin’s voice interrupted his thoughts and he turned to look at the other boy. He was holding one of the double shots of whiskey in his hand, offering it to Neil. “Andrew told me you took him up on the offer.” Kevin smiled and Neil’s stomach did a backflip. He nodded weakly before accepting the glass from Kevin. “I’m glad i’ll finally get to see you loosen up a little bit.”  
Neil looked at the other boys around the table; Andrew was downing a glass of whiskey on the rocks, Nicky was throwing back shots of tequila, and Aaron was emptying three packets of cracker dust into his mouth. He turned back to Kevin and smiled. If everyone else was going to be getting this wasted tonight, he doubted they would even remember if he accidentally said anything about his past.

“To Halloween,” Neil said through a grin as he clinked his whiskey with Kevin’s double of vodka, before bringing the bitter liquid to his lips. It burned slightly going down and Neil grimaced at the after taste, but he recovered quickly. Only seconds later, Kevin was pushing another double shot into his hands, his eyes shining with excitement as they met Neil’s. 

“You took that like a champ,” Kevin said, picking up another shot for himself, “are you sure you don’t drink?” Neil felt a laugh bubble up inside of him, the alcohol already sitting warmly in his stomach. He and Kevin cheersed again and Neil watched as Kevin tilted his head back, allowing the liquor to slide down his throat. Neil admired the bob of Kevin’s adams apple and the way the lights danced across the other boy’s sweaty skin. He shook his head, trying to banish the thought of trailing his tongue along Kevin’s pronounced collar bones, and threw back his own shot. This one went down easier, the slight buzz in his head becoming more pronounced as the minutes passed. Kevin slid another shot Neil’s way, raising an eyebrow in what seemed like a challenge. Neil smirked and tossed that shot back as well, reveling in the way Kevin’s smile grew wider, and legs grew looser. With each drink, Kevin’s legs began to widen slightly, and with each passing minute, Neil found it harder and harder to look away from the other boy’s openness. He heard Andrew groan beside him, but was unable to draw his eyes away from Kevin.

“I’m going to get you a few more drinks and then I’m leaving to talk to Roland in private, you two behave.” A cheshire grin plagued Kevin’s face as Andrew walked away, and he picked up the final two shots on the tray.

“To getting shit faced with Neil ‘I don’t drink’ Josten,” Neil tried to glower but he just couldn’t muster the expression, insteading opting to simply accept the shot from Kevin. Instead of just going to drink it though, Kevin hooked his elbow around Neil’s. Neil felt himself trying to jerk away from Kevin, but the other boy shushed him. “It’s a tradition Neil, link elbows and throw the shot back together.” Neil nodded as Kevin brought his own shot to his lips, despite their linked elbows. The action brought their faces much closer, allowing for only about five inches between the two of them. Neil felt heat creeping up his neck but brought the shot to his lips nevertheless, draining the glass alongside Kevin. Kevin unhooked their elbows but made no move to lean away from Neil, so they remained close, talking quietly as the thrumbing bass from the speakers reverberated loudly around the room.

The night progressed quickly from there, Nicky and Aaron returning from the dance floor once or twice for more drinks, while Andrew remained consistently absent. As the alcohol set in, Neil and Kevin continued to drift closer and closer until they were leaning against each other, heads lolled together. Despite their intoxicated state and the dance floor a few meters in front of them, the two boys were occupying their time talking about Exy. Neil was in the middle of a particularly heated rant about a jackass Hornet who had tried to break his ribs on the court when Andrew finally returned. 

“Alright chickadees, time to go. I’m getting bored of, well,” Andrew gestured to the club around him, “All of this.” Neil and Kevin nodded, clumsily standing from their seats while clinging to each other desperately. Kevin was giggling as Neil hiccuped beside him, the two attempting to stumble out of the club while Andrew collected Nicky and Aaron from the dance floor.

-

They made it back to the house in record time, Andrew seemingly wanting to rid himself of the drunk individuals surrounding him. He stalked into the house quickly, leaving the other four outside to try and make it inside the house and into their beds by themselves. Nicky and Aaron had their arms wrapped around each other's shoulders and surprisingly made it through the door rather quick, especially considering their incredibly inebriated states. Kevin and Neil on the other hand were fairing much worse.

Neil could feel the ground tilt beneath him with every step he took as Kevin all but crawled beside him. “We drank too much,” Kevin muttered, pausing for a second to catch his breath.

“No shit,” Neil responded. The cold air of the evening bit at the skin of his face, and had a somewhat sobering effect, bringing him back into the present. 

The two boys made their way inside slowly, first wandering towards the kitchen. Kevin managed to get two water bottles from the fridge and Neil took one gratefully, downing it quickly. The water quieted the pounding in his head somewhat and he sighed. “Better?” Kevin asked, draining his own bottle. “Much,” Neil responded with a slight smile 

After a second bottle each, they both headed towards the guest room on the first floor. There was another spare located on the second floor but neither boy wanted to make an attempt at the stairs. Once inside the small bedroom, Kevin slammed the door behind it and turned the lock into place before slumping against the wood.

“Thank fuck,” Kevin groaned, “It feels like we just walked a mile.” Neil nodded in agreement, desperately trying to peel the latex costume from his body, Kevin stood slowly and moved forward to help Neil with the zipper. Neil muttered a soft thank you as he pulled the material down, sighing in relief as the cold air met his skin. He stepped from the fabric, unphased by the fact that he was now left only in his briefs, and collapsed spread eagle onto the bed. Since Neil had let Kevin see his scars the week prior, he knew the other boy wouldn’t be shocked by his marred skin, and Neil was honestly a little too drunk to be self conscious. Kevin stood off to the side as he removed his costume as well, a greek toga and laurel ensemble that had caused Neil’s mouth to go dry when he first saw it. Kevin was now bare as well, left in only his boxers. 

“That was actually kind of fun,” Neil relented. He couldn’t remember the last time he ever allowed himself to be so free. Kevin smiled down at him, his eyes a little unfocused.

“Well I’m glad it was a good night.”

“I didn’t say that it was a good night, I was still stuck with your weird ass.” Kevin scoffed in mock pain. 

“You wound me Neil Josten, and I will have you know my ass is fantastic,” Kevin retorted, stumbling his way to the bed and falling next to Neil.

“Don’t I know it,” Neil said under his breath. Neil felt Kevin tense beside him and he gulped, wishing he could take the words back the second they left his mouth. Kevin turned, laying on his side to face Neil. Neil couldn’t bear to look at him, suddenly all too aware of the way Kevin’s arm pressed into his ribs, skin against skin. The energy in the room had shifted so suddenly; the platonic nature of their conversation morphing into something much more heated in a matter of seconds, and Neil finally realized that they were both practically naked. Neil kept his eyes trained on the ceiling as he tried to draw his attention away from the closeness of their bodies and the way he could feel Kevin’s breath hot against his neck. 

“If it makes any difference,” Kevin whispered, shifting his body closer to Neil so that his front was pressed entirely against Neil’s side, “I think your ass is pretty fantastic too.” A nervous chuckle fought its way out of Neil’s mouth as he turned to face Kevin, so close that their noses were almost touching. Kevin’s breath reeked of vodka, but Neil couldn’t find it within himself to care.

“You don’t mean that Kev,” Neil said with a sigh, running his fingers through his hair. He tried to shift away but Kevin reached out to grab Neil’s wrist, bringing his hand to Kevin’s cheek.

“I do though,” Kevin said, his voice barely a whisper, “I mean it. I think everything about you is fantastic.” Neil felt a familiar warmth spread throughout his chest and then something more unfamiliar pooling further downward.

“What about Andrew?”

“What about him?”

“Don’t you like him?” Kevin sighed and nuzzled his face into Neil’s palm.

“Sure, but I like you too,” Kevin paused and smirked slightly, “I like you so fucking much.” He turned his lips into Neil’s hand, pressing a short kiss there. “Neil, do you like me too?” Neil felt his eyes widen, frozen under Kevin’s gaze. The other boy’s pupils were blown wide and his hair was a tousled mess, and Neil felt his briefs tighten slightly at the sight. He gulped as saliva pooled in his mouth and leaned forward, brushing his nose against Kevin’s. 

“Of course I like you, idiot,” Neil whispered against Kevin’s mouth. 

“Good,” Kevin said through a smirk before pushing forward, his lips colliding with Neil’s.

*

Neil had kissed people before, but it had never felt like this. This was all heat, and want, and longing; the months of tension that had been building between the two of them finally releasing. Kevin’s mouth was absolutely vicious against his own, biting harshly at his lip. His hands were everywhere, trailing up Neil’s torso, running through his hair, gripping at his arms. Neil let out a deep moan at the sensation of Kevin’s tongue curling around his own and pulled back, embarrassed by the sudden noise.

“God, I don’t know what that was I’m-” Kevin cut Neil off, tugging him back in and peppering kisses around his face.

“Do it again, it was fucking hot.” Neil felt his face heat up as Kevin grumbled out the words, his voice gravelly and deep. 

Kevin rolled himself over Neil, pushing the other boy onto his back before straddling his hips and grinding down. A groan punched its way out of Neil’s chest as his groin thrust up to meet Kevin’s. The world felt hazy and his vision was blurred, but something about Kevin’s weight on top of his body felt perfect, like it was where they were meant to be. Kevin leaned forward, pressing his bare chest to Neil’s before recapturing his lips. The sensation of skin against skin made Neil dizzy with want, and Neil scraped his nails down Kevin’s back as he continued to roll his hips downward against Neil’s. His fingers reached the hem of Kevin’s boxers and he slipped them under just slightly, caressing the skin underneath the fabric. Kevin gasped and sat up, his eyes full of lust. Neil bit at his lip and grinned shyly, dancing his finger along the warm skin beneath Kevin’s underwear. 

“Can I take these off?” He asked, pulling at the boxers slightly. Kevin grunted and yanked the annoying fabric down on his own, his cock springing free. 

“God yes,” Kevin said through a deep groan before shifting down Neil’s torso, leaving a trail of small kisses and nips in his wake. He reached Neil’s briefs and took them between his teeth, attempting to tug them down with his mouth. Neil’s dick nudged Kevin’s face as the underwear were moved out of the way and Neil moaned at the sensation. Kevin smirked and looked up at Neil through long lashes. “Is this ok?” Neil nodded enthusiastically and Kevin leaned in, licking a long strip up the side of Neil’s dick and swirling his tongue around the tip. Neil threw his head back in a whine, his hips bucking wildly against his will and Kevin pressed Neil’s pelvis down, his strong hands holding him firmly against the bed. Neil groaned deeply with pleasure and felt himself harden impossibly more as Kevin swallowed him whole. 

Neil had never understood sex. He had only ever jerked off as a means to an end, to get rid of an inconvenience. He didn’t understand that sex was meant to feel good. But now, here with Kevin, he was worried that he was going to become addicted. The world melted away and Neil couldn’t think past the sensation of Kevin’s hot, velvety mouth around him, sucking at him. With each hollowing of Kevin’s cheeks, a new noise was punched out of Neil, each more embarrassing than the last, but Neil couldn’t find it in himself to care. Kevin was tracing his tongue along the vein on the underside of Neil’s dick, pressing against it every time he bobbed his head. Neil could feel the pleasure building in his gut, could feel himself tumbling toward the edge. He grasped at Kevin's hair, sinking his fingers into the thick locks. “Kevin, fuck I’m-I’m going to-” but Kevin pulled off, releasing his dick with a small pop. Neil fell back, groaning in frustration. He reached down to try and finish himself off but Kevin batted his hand out of the way. “Why did you stop,” he muttered as Kevin crawled his way back up to Neil’s mouth, “I was close.”

“Because I’m not done with you yet,” Kevin whispered into Neil’s mouth, tracing his tongue across Neil’s bottom lip before nipping at it slightly.


	5. Scene 4: Nicky and Seth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nicky helps Seth understand his internalized homophobia and helps him come to terms with his possible bisexuality.  
> TW: Mentions of Past Child Abuse, Mentions of Past Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, Mentions of Past Drug Use

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was hesitant to include this scene as I do not believe Seth has he was written in the books deserves to have anything to do with Nicky. However, I’m not gonna have him die in this version and thus he is going to have a redemption arc. Nicky and Erik have an open relationship, and Nicky understands how an abusive upbringing can impact ones relationship with sexuality, so he is willing to help Seth come to terms with his sexuality after they have a bit of a talk.  
> This chapter also has light smut, but it is spattered throughout.  
> This scene takes place directly before the first scene I posted.  
> TW: Mentions of Past Child Abuse, Mentions of Past Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, Mentions of Past Drug Use

Nicky  
The last thing Nicky expected to hear, after the stunt Andrew had pulled at practice, was a knock on the door. He had expected the upperclassmen to steer clear of the dorm for at least the evening, and he doubted the fight had been severe enough to require interference from Wymack. Aaron sighed from the beanbag chair next to him and reluctantly paused his game. Nicky hadn’t even noticed what he was playing, too busy nursing the bottle of Malibu cradled in his lap. It had been a long couple of weeks. After their loss against the Ravens, Andrew, Neil, and Kevin had further distanced themselves from the rest of the team and Nicky was struggling to hold everyone together. He was stretched too thin and damn it, he deserved to get drunk and wallow in peace for at least one night. 

Aaron wobbled forward on unsteady feet, the vodka he had downed clearly disorienting him. When he reached the door, he opened it a crack and glanced out. Whoever was out there caused Aaron’s face to scrunch up in disgust and the door was promptly slammed shut. Aaron sauntered back over to the tv and collapsed weakly into his chair. 

“Who was that?” Nicky asked. Aaron sighed and waved him off.

“No one of importance.”

The knocking persisted however, and Nicky’s head lolled back towards the door. With a sigh, he got up and went to stop whoever was knocking, the banging was causing his ears to ring and he was becoming increasingly irritated. Usually he would try and plaster a smile on his face and push down the overwhelming urge to cry that was constantly pressing at the back of his eyes, but he was already too far gone and far too exhausted to deal with the bullshit that likely awaited him on the other side of the door. 

“What do you-” the words died in Nicky’s throat as he swung open the door. Seth stood on the other side, his head hanging low and his eyes fixed on the floor. His cheeks were red, his hair was a tousled mess, and he absolutely reeked of bourbon. Nicky moved to step back and away from the door, trying to put as much distance between him and Seth as possible. Nicky knew the hatred Seth had for him while sober; he couldn’t imagine what that rage might drive him to do while drunk. Nicky heard Aaron start scrambling to his feet, but something must have stopped him in his tracks. 

“Oh hello Gordon,” a voice rang out from behind him, “Leave.” Andrew stepped forward and between him and Seth, ever an imposing figure despite his short stature. “I don’t like it when you come after what belongs to me,” Andrew said through a manic grin, one that was all teeth and malice. Nicky could see the fear in Seth’s eyes, but he didn’t retreat, he just moved his gaze to Nicky. 

“Nicky, I was wondering if I-” Seth stuttered out, obviously nervous. There was a slight slur to his words which only further betrayed his inebriated state.

“What part of leave did you not understand?” Andrew stepped forward, yet Seth still held his ground.

“It’s alright Andrew,” the blonde turned on Nicky, his eyes confused momentarily before hazing over with the look of apathy that Nicky had grown so accustomed to. “I’m a big boy, I can deal with this jackass on my own.” Andrew let out a harsh laugh, completely devoid of all joy or humor.

“Sure you can champ,” Andrew said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. Andrew returned his attention to Seth, his expression bored. “So Gordon, care to share with the class what has brought you to our humble abode this evening?” Seth’s eyes darted from Andrew back to Nicky.

“I was… well… I was hoping to talk to Nicky in private.”

“Like hell you are,” that came from Aaron, now standing at Andrew's side, glowering at Seth. 

“Really guys, it’s fine,” Nicky said, stepping forward and placing a hand on Aaron’s shoulder. Aaron stepped back, grumbling something about Nicky being an idiot, but Andrew stayed put. “Andrew, I’ll be ok, I promise.” Andrew turned his head to Nicky and tilted it lazily.

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep. You know how much I hate it when people disappoint me.” Andrew gave Nicky one final glare before he returned his attention to Seth and sighed. “This has been such a nice chat Gordon. Let’s never do it again. Return my cousin to me in one piece or there will be consequences.” Seth gave him a terse nod and stepped away from the door. Nicky stalked forward and into the hall as Seth closed the door behind him. He could hear Aaron arguing with Andrew in their room, but there were more pressing issues at hand. 

“So, what the hell did you want to talk to me for? Finally want to apologize for being such a dick?” Nicky felt bile rise into his throat, the alcohol turning in his stomach as he became increasingly upset, “If so, apology not accepted.” He never allowed himself to be angry, it reminded him too much of his father. But after months and months of backhanded comments made it has expense and slurs thrown at him, Nicky was done. He had put up with Seth’s bullshit for too long and after the week he had and all of the liquor, he couldn’t take it any longer. He wanted Seth to yell at him, call him a fag, maybe even punch him, do anything to make Nicky feel something, but instead Seth just scratched at the back of his neck. He almost looked guilty. But Seth Gordon was incapable of guilt, Nicky had learned that from experience. He was a homophobic asshole who made Nicky’s life a living hell. 

“Can we please talk in private?” Seth asked quietly, looking around the hallway at the other doors with a nervous glint in his eyes. He swayed slightly from side to side, but his eyes stayed firmly trained on Nicky’s face. Nicky wanted to shout at him, to tell him to fuck off, but the look in Seth’s eyes stopped him in his tracks. There was something there, an emotion that Nicky had never seen the other boy portray before. It made Nicky curious, and as Andrew would say, Nicky didn’t have the best self preservation instincts. 

“Fine. Where do you want to talk? I want to get this over with as quickly as possible.” Seth nodded, turning clumsily on his heels and beckoning Nicky to follow. 

“Let’s talk in my room. Matt is with Dan and Neil is still at the court with Kevin.” Nicky felt pressure in his chest, an uncertainty weighing him down. He didn’t think he wanted to be alone with Seth, yet something compelled him to follow. 

When Nicky entered the room, he looked around, hoping that Seth was wrong about his roommates whereabouts and that Neil or Matt might be somewhere inside. Unfortunately, there was no sign of them; just his luck. He heard the door behind him slam shut and the lock turn into place with a resounding click. Nicky felt that nervousness clench at his lungs even tighter; he struggled to take a breath without it coming out ragged. “Ok Gordon,” he said in the steadiest voice he could muster, “if you try anything, Andrew will hear me screaming and-” As Nicky turned around, Seth’s body collided with his own, pushing him backwards. Nicky opened his mouth to yell out for help, but suddenly, Seth’s mouth was covering his own, silencing him. Nicky’s back hit the wall and his eyes widened. Seth Gordon was kissing him. Seth Gordon - striker for Palmetto State University, asshole extraordinaire, boyfriend to one Allison Reynolds, and the Foxes resident homophobe - was kissing him. Nicky made no attempt to reciprocate the kiss, too shocked to even move, but he could taste liquor where their lips met. 

As quickly as it started, it was over. Seth staggered backwards, tripping over his own feet, a string of apologies tumbling from his mouth. Nicky was frozen. 

“Nicky,” Seth slurred, “Nicky, I’m sorry, I-” he stopped and stared at the floor, clearly at a loss for words. “I need a drink,” Seth muttered, stumbling toward the kitchen. He groped blindly at the handle of the freezer, clearly off balance, but he still managed to tug the door open and wrap his hand around the neck of a bottle of Titos. The freezer door slammed shut and Seth sank to the floor, his back pressed against the cool surface. With trembling hands, he unscrewed the cap and took a large swig. His face twisted into a grimace as he swallowed, but the bottle quickly returned to his mouth after making fleeting eye contact with Nicky. 

“What the hell was that,” Nicky had meant to scream at Seth, but it came out as a whisper; he felt dizzy and sick to his stomach, “why would you do that?” Seth slumped and set the bottle down to his right, his hands making their way to his face. He rubbed at his eyes, as if he was about to cry and Nicky noticed that he was shaking, almost violently. Nicky remained against the wall, his palms pressing into the rough drywall and grounding him. He took a deep breath and awaited Seth’s answer. 

“I don’t know.” Seth said through gritted teeth as he raked his fingers through his hair, pulling at the unruly strands. 

“You don’t know,” Nicky repeated. He felt a harsh laugh bubble out of his throat, and for a second, he sounded like Andrew, “You don't know?” Seth wouldn’t look at him and Nicky felt the shock wear off, fiery rage taking its place. “For months, months, you have treated me like garbage, like I was less than human. You have disrespected me and my family constantly,” Seth’s eyes remained focused on the tile floor, which made Nicky even angrier. “You have made me feel consistently unsafe, unwelcome, and unloved. I get enough shit like this from my family, I don’t need it from my teammates too.” Seth looked up at that, clearly confused.

“I thought your cousins supported you?” Nicky scoffed even though he felt like crying, his throat was hoarse.

“My parents, Seth. My parents,” Nicky stated through gritted teeth, “god you really are as dumb as you look.” Seth was looking away again and Nicky stalked toward the kitchen. He clumsily placed himself on the floor across from Seth, about a foot of space between them. As he leaned his head back to rest on the cabinets behind him, he reached his right hand out and made a grasping motion in Seth’s face. “Gimme the bottle Gordon. Now.” He was absolutely seething, and Seth was quick to oblige. The vodka tasted vile as it slid down his throat, but he continued to drink, hoping that the liquor would make him feel pleasantly numb; then he could fall asleep and either forget any of this ever happened or at least pretend it was a horrible nightmare. Nicky put the vodka down, reveling for a moment in the lingering burn in his throat, before pushing the bottle back toward Seth. The other boy fumbled with it before putting it back to his lips and taking another long drink. 

Nicky and Seth sat in silence. The minutes stretched by and Nicky was content to watch as Seth fiddled with his clothes nervously and continued to take small sips from the bottle every once and awhile. He found some sick pleasure in the other boy's discomfort, and he had no desire to put an end to Seth’s obvious unease. Seth still had yet to explain himself and Nicky didn’t plan on speaking until Seth grew a pair and explained what the hell had been going through his head when he decided it was a good idea to kiss Nicky. Finally, after what felt like hours, Seth cleared his throat.

“My dad used to hit me when I was little. He basically used me as a punching bag.” The words were quiet, and Nicky tried to muster sympathy but, due to his altered state, he really couldn’t find it within himself to care; not after everything Seth had done to him. Instead he rolled his eyes and got up on his knees. He scooted forward awkwardly and grabbed Seth by the wrists, forcing the other boy to make eye contact with him. Seth’s eyes were unfocused and clouded, but he seemed to be trying to hold Nicky’s gaze.

“Seth, my parents sent me off to a fucking conversion camp when I was 15 where the councilors tried to beat the gay out of me. We all have shitty parents, it’s kind of a prerequisite for being a fox. That doesn’t give you permission to be an asshole.” Seth tried to look away again, tried to take another drink from the bottle, but Nicky grabbed his chin. Seth had drank enough for the moment, and Nicky needed answers. “You wanted to talk, so talk,” Nicky murmured, feeling the words bleed together slightly as they left his slowly loosening lips, “What the fuck was that all about?” Seth looked at him, and Nicky saw fear in his eyes. The same fear he used to see in his reflection every day. The same fear that came from his father's harsh words and his mother’s quiet indifference. “After everything you’ve done to me Seth, you owe me this at least. Please.”

“My dad was an asshole. He was racist, sexist, homophobic… and he raised me to be that way too,” Seth started. His voice was quiet and his speech was garbled, but Nicky could hear pain behind every word. “When I was 6 and wanted to watch a Disney movie with my sisters, he hit me for the first time. The black eye had been manageable, but his words had been worse. He said that no son of his would ever watch that gay shit, and after that, the beatings became more and more frequent. If I ever did something he didn’t like or approve of, he was quick to stop me in my tracks. My mom saw everything, and she did fucking nothing. Just watched. I think she was glad my dad finally had someone else to take the anger out on.” Seth paused, and took a breath, moving his hand to cover his mouth. He gagged slightly, the alcohol likely trying to force its way up his throat. Seth was clearly getting rattled by the story and Nicky had a sinking feeling that this was something he had been keeping to himself for a very long time. Nicky reached for the Tito’s and placed it back in Seth’s trembling hands. He grimaced, but took another sip, seemingly grateful for the momentary districation. Nicky returned his hands to Seth’s, hoping that maybe the weight of his grip would ground the other boy. He nodded at Seth, encouraging him to continue. 

“Take your time Seth, I’m willing to wait. As long as it takes.” Seth sighed deeply, his breath shaky, but he began to speak again.

“When I was 11, there was this boy in my class and- and-” Seth stopped abruptly, already choking on the words. They seemed to be getting stuck in his throat, and Nicky could see something he recognized all too well written all over Seth’s face. Shame. Seth looked away for a second, seemingly uncomfortable under Nicky’s gaze, but Seth couldn’t hide the tears welling up in his eyes. On impulse, Nicky reached out to wipe them away. He expected Seth to try and stop him, but instead, he simply allowed Nicky to dab at his cheek with the cuff of his sweater. 

“There,” Nicky said quietly, “all better.” The words sounded wrong in his mouth, especially when they were directed at Seth, but instead of lashing out, Seth just let out a soft, sad chuckle. His hands found their way to the sleeve of Nicky’s sweater and he clutched the damp fabric between his shaking fingers. “Go on Seth,” Nicky prompted in the most soothing tone he could muster, “I promise, I’m listening.” Seth swayed slightly before pulling Nicky closer so that their knees touched. Nicky thought it might be for comfort, but he couldn’t be sure.

“His name was Jordan I think?” Seth struggled. Nicky could tell he was trying not to hyperventilate or throw up. This was clearly a story Seth had repressed for far too long, something that ashamed him even to this day. “I really don't remember much about the kid except that we played Exy together and I thought that he was absolutely amazing. All I wanted to do was impress him, make him laugh, get him to notice me in any way possible.” Seth grew silent again, and Nicky tilted his head at him. The world shifted with the movement and Nicky had to blink a few times before his eyes refocused. 

“You had a crush didn’t you?” Nicky asked, the words thick on his tongue. Seth grimaced but nodded slightly.

“I didn’t really recognize it at the time, but looking back it’s pretty apparent,” Seth untangled his fingers from Nicky’s sleeve and let his hands fall onto Nicky’s knees. Nicky placed his hands over Seth’s and clutched them in a way he hoped was comforting. Seth smiled, a small, fragile thing.

After a shaky breath, Seth continued. “One day, he came over to my house after school for a sleepover. We were talking and fucking around, you know how kids are, but then he asked me if I’d ever kissed someone before. I wanted to say yes, to make myself seem cool, ya know? But before I could respond he said that he hadn’t. He asked me if maybe I wanted to practice, so that when the time came to kiss girls we wouldn’t suck at it. I remember not knowing what to think. My entire life I had been told that boys kissing other boys was a sin, and people that did that should be punished. But god, I wanted it so bad. And when he leaned forward, I kissed him gladly,” Seth grew quiet for a moment, “Of course that’s when my dad walked in.” Nicky rubbed his thumb over the top of Seth’s knuckles in support. A calming gesture, just to let him know someone was there. To let him know that someone was listening to him after so many years of being ignored.

“After that, I just remember fear and pain. I woke up in the hospital with broken ribs, a busted nose, and a gash on my forehead that needed stitches. My dad had told the doctors I had been in an ATV accident and the doctors said I was lucky to have survived. I don’t remember much beyond that, just my dad standing in the corner of the room as the doctors talked to me, something dark and violent on his face. I moved schools as soon as I got out of the hospital and got into drugs a year or two after that. They were the only things that numbed the pain, the only things that helped me forget everything my dad had done. Throughout highschool I dated girls, but I never stopped noticing guys. The older I got, the more I wanted them. The more I wanted them, the more I used to make that want disappear. An endless cycle.” Seth stopped then, looking to Nicky for a reaction. Nicky’s face was incredulous as he processed the story Seth had just told him, the events that Seth had to live through. Slowly, Seth turned his palms up underneath Nicky’s hands and slid his slender fingers between the other boy’s, threading their hands together. Seth looked up into Nicky’s eyes and quirked an eyebrow, a silent question; is this okay? Nicky didn’t answer with words but he gave Seth’s hands a small squeeze in response. The silence that hung between them was heavy and Nicky felt the weight of Seth’s words in his chest. 

“So you like guys?” Seth nodded slowly. “And girls?” He nodded again, biting his lip. 

“I’ve never told anyone that. Not even Allison.” Seth was shaking again and tears were falling openly down his cheeks. He made a move to hide his face but Nicky tightened his grip on Seth’s hands.

“It’s ok to cry sometimes Seth,” Nicky whispered, “It’s ok.” 

“Why are you being so nice to me?” Seth choked out between sobs, “All I’ve ever been is awful toward you.” Nicky took a deep breath and leaned forward, resting his forehead against Seth’s.  
“Cause I get it Seth,” the words were a quiet mumble, “Because I was you. I didn’t take my pain out on others though Seth, I took it out on myself. But I got lucky. I got out. I found Erik.” Nicky reached up and tangled his fingers in Seth’s hair, trying to ground him.

“I couldn’t tell anyone,” Seth was hiccuping out the words, “he would hurt me if he knew.” 

“He’s not here Seth. He can’t hurt you anymore.” Nicky kept his voice soft, he could feel Seth’s tears falling onto his lap. “You don’t need to hide anymore Seth. The team is here for you,” Nicky swiped his thumb across Seth’s cheekbone, “I’m here for you. You just need to be willing to apologize for what you’ve done and change. You don’t need to be anything like him.” Seth nodded and whimpered slightly. Nicky shushed him quietly and cradled Seth’s head in his hands.

When Seth leaned forward to kiss him this time, Nicky was not caught off guard. It was a hesitant kiss, just a brushing of lips, and Nicky felt his heart stutter. As Seth broke the kiss, he slumped forward, resting his head against Nicky’s chest. Nicky held his head close, running his fingers through his hair.

“Nicky, I need help.” Seth murmured. Nicky agreed, nodding slightly and caressing Seth’s forehead. “Will you help me? Please?” Nicky’s fingers stopped and he stared down at the boy in his lap. Seth leaned back to look into Nicky’s eyes, and he smiled slightly, almost sheepishly, up at him; a hopeful look on his tear-stained face. 

Nicky couldn’t believe he was actually considering this. He and Erik may have an open relationship when they’re apart, but this was something far more complicated. This was Seth, not some faceless dude from Eden’s looking to have a gay experience. Seth. Someone who had endlessly tormented him for the better part of a year; someone who poked and prodded at all of Nicky’s wounds just to hit him where it hurt the worst: someone who, up until about thirty minutes ago, Nicky was sure had hated him. Someone who Nicky hated in return. But the Seth in front of him now was different from all the other idderations. This Seth had bruises that mirrored Nicky’s; this Seth was so so broken, and wasn’t using cruelty to hide his pain; this Seth needed help, and was asking for it. Asking Nicky for it. Nicky had had Erik to help him, but Seth had no one. He had been dealing with these feelings on his own, had thought something was inherently wrong with him for his entire life. And no one had ever been there for him.  
Oh my god, he was actually going to do this. But just a kiss. Maybe two, Nicky told himself, Just enough to help him work through these feelings. Help him understand himself better.

Nicky sighed and brushed a strand of hair away from Seth’s face, tucking it behind the other boy's ear. Seth sat up, pushing himself to his knees. His face was close to Nicky’s, their breath mingly in the slight space between their lips. 

“So,” Seth whispered gently, the words hanging in the air, “can you help me Nicky?” Nicky smiled softly and brought his hand up to Seth’s cheek.

“Are you absolutely sure you want me too?”

“Oh god, yes.”

And then, the dam broke. Seth rushed forward, crashing his lips into Nicky’s. And the kiss, the kiss, it was fucking amazing. Nicky knew he was screwed.

Seth moaned and Nicky felt the other boy relax against him as he slipped his tongue into Seth’s mouth. Seth had been holding so much tension in his body as he cried, and it all seemed to melt away with the onslaught of Nicky’s lips. He wrapped his arms around Nicky’s neck pulling them flush. Seth tasted like vodka and heat, his mouth constantly wanting and demanding more from Nicky, pressing closer and closer.

Nicky broke the kiss momentarily to take a gasping breath and Seth whined needily in response, “Nicky.” Nicky’s stomach jumped at the sound of his own name coming from the other boy’s mouth. He groaned as Seth ran his fingers through his hair, grasping desperately at the soft strands. Seth’s lips were so soft against his own and Nicky couldn’t help but run his fingers under the hem of Seth’s shirt and against the other boy’s toned stomach. His skin was warm and solid, and Nicky reveled in the way Seth tensed at the touch, a sharp breath escaping his lips. Nicky pulled away, peppering soft kisses along Seth’s cheeks. Seth whimpered at the sudden loss of Nicky’s lips against his, but Nicky shushed him and moved his mouth down Seth’s face, pressing hot kisses along his jawline before licking a small strip up to his ear. Seth shuddered against him and let out a small groan as Nicky sucked a bruise into the side of his neck and grinned against his skin. 

Seth unwound his arms from behind Nicky’s neck and moved his hands to lay flat against Nicky’s chest. He pushed against Nicky, trying to get him to move himself back against the cabinets. Nicky happily obliged, smirking against Seth’s lips as he scooted backwards. When his back hit the wood, Seth boxed Nicky in with his arms, clutching at Nicky’s hair and clumsily climbing onto the other boy's lap. As Seth ground against him, Nicky felt heat rush downward and he was lost in the sudden dizzying pleasure of the other boy on top of him. Nicky groaned out a quiet “Yes,” as he bucked his hips up to meet Seth’s. Seth took the opportunity to suck on Nicky's tongue briefly before biting on his bottom lip. The shock of the bite brought Nicky back to his senses and he pulled away from Seth quickly, as though burned. Seth tried to move forward again but Nicky put one hand between their bodies and the other on Seth’s hip, holding him steady.

“We shouldn’t do this,” Nicky said, leaning his forehead against Seth’s as he tried to catch his breath. He had told himself it would just be a few kisses; he should have never let it escalate this much. But he didn’t expect himself to want this so bad. Didn’t expect himself to want Seth to absolutely ravish him.

“Why shouldn’t we?” Seth’s voice cracked and Nicky met his eyes, they were glossy again and Nicky shook his head. 

“We just shouldn’t Seth. What if someone found out?” Seth reached up and rubbed his thumb across Nicky’s bottom lip, bruised red from Seth’s mouth. Nicky felt his breath hitch as Seth leaned in and whispered, 

“I don’t care. I want you Nicky. I want you so fucking bad.” 

“Are you sure you want this… want me?”

“Nicky, I need this. I need you.” 

Nicky stared at the other boy, searching Seth’s eyes for something, anything that would tell him that Seth didn’t truly want him. But all he found was want and lust, and all of it was for him. Nicky was probably going to regret this. 

“Oh, fuck it.” 

The words had barely left his mouth when Seth was on him again, somehow kissing him with even more fervor. It no longer felt like a means to an end. This was Seth showing Nicky just how much he wanted to do this, to have anything and everything from Nicky and Nicky alone. And Nicky intended to show Seth everything. If this was really happening, Nicky was not going to disappoint. 

Nicky’s hands immediately found their way under Seth’s shirt, pulling desperately at the fabric. “Off, off, off,” Nicky mumbled against Seth’s lips as he balled his fist into the hem, revealing the expanse of the other boy’s chest. Seth broke the kiss, yanking his shirt off in one fluid motion. Nicky tugged at his own sweater as well, but it got stuck going over his head. Nicky heard the other boy start to chuckle and he felt Seth’s stomach shift against his own, finally feeling skin against skin. “Seth,” he grumbled, “Seth please help,” Seth continued to laugh, but Nicky felt hands at the back of his head, tugging the meddlesome piece of fabric off. Nicky’s hair was a tossoled mess from the shirt so Seth ran his fingers through it slowly with surprising softness, brushing out the unruly curls. Nicky sighed and leaned in to the touch, nuzzling his face into Seth’s strong hand. Seth leaned in to reclaim Nicky’s lips but stopped suddenly and pulled back, his eyes wide. Nicky sat up, wondering briefly if he had done something wrong, if he had pushed too hard, “Seth, what’s -” 

“Neil and Matt. I forgot about Neil and Matt.” 

“Shit.”

“Phone, I need my phone.” Seth scrambled off Nicky’s lap and to his feet, rushing to the living room. He scooped up his phone from its place on the charger and fumbled with it for a few moments, his eyes becoming unfocused as he tried to type out a message. Nicky stood slowly, trying to maintain his balance despite his bleary vision. He leaned against the door frame of the kitchen for support, trying to make it look leisurely. His head lulled to the left as he watched Seth, appreciating the way the muscles in his back and arms flexed as he typed. Nicky used the brief moment of reprieve to collect his own phone from his back pocket and shoot a text to Andrew, letting him know that he was ok and that he didn’t need to worry, but he wouldn’t be back that evening. Andrews' response was quick; a terse, I don’t care. Don’t do something stupid. Nicky couldn’t help but chuckle at the thought because it was actually the other way around, something stupid was going to be doing him. He set his phone down on the counter and observed as Seth responded to the series of pings coming from his phone. After a few minutes, Seth nodded briefly before tossing his phone carelessly onto the couch and turning to Nicky, smirking.

“So… what’d they say,” Nicky asked, sauntering forward toward Seth as gracefully as he could manage. 

“We have the room to ourselves for the rest of the night.”

Nicky hummed in response, running his hands up Seth’s stomach and over his nipples. When Seth jerked against the touch, Nicky returned his hands, thumbs brushing against his nipples with more purpose. Seth let his head fall back in a low moan, “No one has ever touched me like this before.” Nicky grinned and leaned in, mouthing at Seth’s ear before biting softly.

“Well, you’ve never been treated right then baby,” Nicky murmured, moving to suck along Seth’s collarbone. Seth tucked his fingers under Nicky’s chin and brought their lips together for a short, heated kiss. 

“Bedroom?” 

“Bedroom.” Seth grabbed Nicky’s hand and pulled him along, stumbling slightly over his own feet as he ushered the other boy inside the room and closed the door behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprisingly, this was actually the first scene I wrote of this story. The first scene I posted is the second half of this scene. I don’t know why it’s so long but once I started writing, I couldn’t stop.


End file.
